Cheating in law not going anywhere.. now what? (2024)

Does anyone have experience with this?

Recently found out my aunts husband has been cheating and has not one, but two outside kids under 2. However my aunt has decided she’s not leaving. It’s not my marriage but no one really likes him anymore, but we’re so used to him. I don’t really want to talk to him anymore because he’s become combative defending his stance which is very strange to me but would like to hear other stories about how to navigate.

This isn't your business, OP.
When you see said aunt's husband at a family gathering, greet him and have the least amount of conversation possible.

His outside children and their marriage have nothing to do with you.

I don't understand what you mean by now what? If your aunt isn't leaving him, there's no law that will help the situation.

Unless you're from another country, maybe they have different laws. where are you from?

Her choice..Her marriage,,,Her Business

This has nothing to do with you. If your aunt chooses to stay with her philandering husband, there's nothing you can do. Accept their decision and leave it alone.

I too, have aunts and female relatives that have stayed with unfaithful spouses who had outside kids as a result of their infidelities. I remain cordial and respectful. It couldn't be me, but that's their choice.

People will say "it's not your business", but that's dismissive. It's not like these are strangers. It's your aunt. You care about her so obviously you would worry and feel angry on her behalf.

She's grown though and isn't being taken advantage of. The only thing you can do is distance yourself from them both. There is no way to maintain whatever your relationship was without ignoring his cheating. If you can't ignore it then you have to establish boundaries for yourself. Such as refusing to go to functions where he is invited, or refusing to talk about it with anyone again.

Coco Campbell said:

Out of sight is Out of Mind! You soon forget people or things that are no longer visible or present.

Click to expand...

True

Ok so we don’t need a post, mind your business which I’m sure is dead/stale. People with no business stay in other people business .

incogneato said:

my aunt has decided she’s not leaving. It’s not my marriage

Click to expand...

I had relatives who stayed with husbands who cheated and their jaws would drop when they came to the main house and the other kids were there or if the kids and their mothers were at reunions/funerals or other family events. My grandmother's rule was that all her grandkids were welcome at her house.

Nobody was fighting a battle for someone who stayed with the cheater.

There's nothing for you to do here.

she married him, you didn’t.

she has chosen to stay with him

Not your husband, not your problem

incogneato said:

Does anyone have experience with this?

Recently found out my aunts husband has been cheating and has not one, but two outside kids under 2. However my aunt has decided she’s not leaving. It’s not my marriage but no one really likes him anymore, but we’re so used to him. I don’t really want to talk to him anymore because he’s become combative defending his stance which is very strange to me but would like to hear other stories about how to navigate.

Click to expand...

Create distance. Too many people allow degenerate relatives around themselves and their children.

A man that will do this cannot be trusted in other ways.

This happened in my family. My aunts husband was cheating and had an outside baby in another country. Left my aunt and her kids (they were both adults but still) to go be with this other family. I really think h was going through a midlife crisis bc he had suffered alot of death in his family in a short amount of time (both parents, godson, sister, a brother, and eventually his daughter). He lost his VERY well paying good job and ended up coming back to my aunt who took him back. They've been struggling financially since.

That was maybe about 8 years ago. I still view him as my uncle and support my aunt's decision to stay with him. He was like a second father to me since i spent so uch time in his house growing up as me and his son are 4 months apart and i was 3 years older than his daughter Ultimately thats none of my business. I was more concerned about my cousins and encouraging them to maintain a relationship with him as he is still their father and loved them I didnt judge him too harshly as I went through something similar with my own father cheating on my mother but as an adult now have a different perspective on that.

Are you married to him? No.
Are you a child as in if your parents are at a family event, you are too?
No again

Speak nothing on him, about him, and even to him other than hello.
When he was enters, you leave.
Some family events, don’t go. Oh, I cannot make .I have a migraine. I have diarrhea.
Dont go to their house for anything.
I am a big believer, especially as I am older,I want to BE PEACEFUL and seek out PEACEFUL PEOPLE AND PEACEFUL SITUATIONS.
A bad, toxic, troubled aura is real. That is the devil’s cloud.

Others in family are talking about ..
I don’t why she stay ….if I was her …..
You say nothing.
Gossiping in talking , listening to this over n over again is a waste of time.

Get into your life.
How was drinks n dinner tonight with 2-3 of your bffs?
Friday night at your house after a work week….cleaning up, laundry, Netflix, take food.